Hey you guys, this is Christina. I wanted to share a piece that I shared with the world a few years ago. Just a few thoughts that boggles my mind. Back in 2016, I was asked to be a guest blogger on the No Lies Told Then Platform. The question that was posed to me was, "What is the biggest lie you've been told about your black womanhood?" And this is what I had to say.
Strong Black Women are Wrong Black Women...in so many words, that is the lie they tell us. They say society today has allowed women in general to forget their place. But for black women it is ten times worse because of almost everything we do. They describe it as being over the top; being "extra".
A vocal black woman is an angry black woman. A black woman embracing her natural femininity and choosing natural appearance is a pro black and an anti white, black woman. She is labeled ugly because she doesn't meet society’s standards of beauty. A single black woman working two jobs, careful about whom she spends time with and splurges on herself is a black woman who is TOO independent.
We don't know our place. Strong Black Women are Wrong Black Women...at least that's what they tell us.
But I am a Strong Black Woman who was raised at the hands of two even Stronger Black Women— my mother and my grandmother. They worked for everything they had and have. They made sure their family was fed, safe and loved. They spoke up when they saw something wrong and they always taught me to be the unique person I am. It was about doing what was right and making sure I was happy and healthy. That was all I needed to see and hear in my life because it has molded me into a strong black woman myself.
That's the exact mentality I have. I was taught to be the voice when something is wrong. I was taught to not care so much about what people think of my appearance and choices. I was taught to make a plan for what needs to be done and dominate.
My truth: I’ve heard that lack of submission will be the cause of me being single for the rest of my life. And also being too guarded will allow my true love to pass me by. Some people may say that these qualities will block love finding us. So could strength and caution be potential downfalls?
No, I do not believe that. I choose to be a single black working woman, who can handle my own. I learned that it's okay to do it alone and it’ll be even better IF the right man enters my life WILLING to contribute equally. It will definitely be a team effort. But until then, I still have needs that must be taken care of. If I don’t do it, who will? All of these qualities are qualities of a virtuous woman; someone who speaks for what is right, confident in herself and doesn't mind hard work. What man wouldn't appreciate that? What person wouldn't respect that? I guess people who think Strong Black Women are Wrong Black Women when they ONLY focus on skin color and stereotypes. Or, are the people who are feeling guilty about the fact that Black women have had to step up to be more than women in today's society, because the dependable Strong Black Man population is becoming extinct? But that's another subject for another day...
All in all, I am not against being that submissive wife in my future. But right now, I am just fine with being a single Strong Black Woman waiting for my Boaz.